‘I Do Cry, I Do Get Emotional, I Do Shake’ : ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ Whistleblower Amanda Abbington Says She Still Struggles to Talk About Her Experience on the Hit BBC Show

“Sherlock” actor Amanda Abbington says she is suffering from PTSD and still struggles to talk about her experience after taking part in BBC primetime dance competition “Strictly Come Dancing.”

Recounting her experience with professional dancer Giovanni Pernice on last year’s series, whom she accuses of bullying and abuse, Abbington told Channel 4 News: “When I talk about certain aspects of what happened in the room, I do cry, I do get emotional, I do shake. Because it was awful.”

Abbington appeared on the 21st season of the show (which is known as “Dancing With the Stars” in the U.S.), before withdrawing after five episodes. At the time she cited unspecified medical reasons.

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The actor has since admitted that while a medical incident was the final straw, her experience with Pernice was “abusive” and “cruel,” leading to her pulling out.

“I went into thinking this is going to be hard work,” she said in an interview with Channel 4 anchor Krishnan Guru-Murthy, who happened to be a fellow contestant on last year’s show. “I mean, I’m looking forward to the challenge. I want to learn new dances. It’s going to be fun. It’s a Saturday night television show on BBC One, so there will be an element of hard work. I get that. I’m a hard worker, I’m a grafter. But there will also be time to have a laugh and be – you know, I’ve been in rehearsal rooms all my life, so I know what they’re like and I know how they can be. I wasn’t expecting this at all. It wasn’t what I expected it to be.”

Abbington said she couldn’t go into detail about her experiences with Pernice because she has made a formal complaint to the BBC, which owns the format via its commercial arm BBC Studios and also broadcasts it every year in the competitive winter schedule. The BBC are said to be investigating her complaint, speaking to witnesses and reviewing footage, including from cameras set up inside the rehearsal room to capture Pernice’s behavior.

After Abbington initially complained about Pernice, she said producers offered to set up the cameras (with the dancer’s knowledge) so they could review the footage at the end of each week of rehearsal. “And then every Friday after that, for the next five weeks, I would get the producer saying on the Friday, ‘We’ve just watched the footage back. We are shocked and horrified, we’re so sorry.’” She added, however, that the BBC have not allowed Abbington or her lawyers to access the footage since making her complaint.

When Guru-Murthy put to Abbington he’d heard from someone else the actor had suffered “humiliating behavior of a sexual nature” she replied in the affirmative and began tearing up.

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he asked whether she was suing the BBC she replied she wasn’t suing but she said she believed she was owed a financial settlement. “I was treated very — loss of earnings and emotional trauma. Yeah, definitely.” Abbington added that she’d been diagnosed with PTSD.

“I’d been triggered in that room by past experiences and it still has a lasting effect on me. I still can’t talk about certain things that happened in that room. Because it immediately triggers a feeling of anxiety. And that’s not right. This is a BBC show on a Saturday night. This response shouldn’t happen from a BBC show. That’s crazy.”

“I do still have trouble going out on my own,” she added. “And feeling very exposed. And, you know, when I talk about certain aspects of what happened in the room, I do cry, I do get emotional, I do shake. Because it was awful.” Abbington also said she’s received death and rape threats towards herself and her daughter after speaking out about her experiences.

Adding to “Strictly’s” woes, another of last year’s contestants, influencer Zara McDermott, has also spoken out about her time on the show. Her professional dance partner, Graziano Di Prima, has since admitted to kicking McDermott during rehearsals.

While most of her “Strictly” experience was “everything I could have dreamt of,” McDermott said in a statement, “my experience inside the training room was very different. Reports have been made about my treatment on the show and there were witnesses to some events, as well as videos of particular incidents which are incredibly distressing to watch.”

Like Abbington, McDermott said she had gone onto the show knowing it would be physically challenging but said she wasn’t prepared for what she would experience.

Abbington has said there are other former contestants who have also had unpleasant experiences on the show.

According to Channel 4 News, the BBC is currently conducting an internal investigation into the show, although the findings may never be made public. BBC director general Tim Davie has issued a general apology to anyone affected while Pernice, who will not be appearing in this year’s series, has strongly denied any wrongdoing.

This year “Strictly,” which was once crowned the Guinness Book of Records’ most successful reality series after the format sold across the world, celebrates its 20th anniversary. It is one of the most important show’s on the BBC’s annual calendar, drawing viewers and winning awards. Whether it will survive in its current format now remains to be seen.

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